A
memory of an incident that occurred to me personally happened when I was a
sophomore in college. One of my
guy friends, Chris, was an African American male. One night, he asked me if I wanted to go out to a club with
him and his friends. When we
arrived there, I realized I was one of very few Caucasian people there. It did not bother me until some of the
other girls were staring at me. I
felt like Julia Stiles in Save the Last
Dance and I was there to “take their men.” This could not have been further from the truth. I was with friends and having a good
time.
Equity
was diminished because of the perceived attitudes. I felt as if I were being judged. I felt like they thought Chris and I were a couple instead
of friends hanging out. Apparently
the thought of Chris and I together was not a positive thought based on the
attitudes. I felt as if I did try
and explain that we were not together that I would be accused of being a racist
because it would not be proper if a white girl dated a black man. I felt caught between a rock and a hard
place.
At
the time, I remember being uncomfortable.
I remember telling Chris about it and he said to shake it off and not
let the girls bother me. None of
his friends had a problem with me being there and I had a great time. Reflecting back on the incident, I can
still remember being uncomfortable at the stares. It was one of the first times I felt like I needed to explain
myself and a reason for being somewhere.
I was not used to that feeling.
Why should I have to explain my presence? I had every right to be just like they did. I can see now how other races may feel
when they are in a predominantly Caucasian event.
In
my opinion, I think society, as a whole would have to change in order to turn
this incident into an opportunity for greater equity. Even with the improvements in racial relationships, there
are still racial divides. In this
particular situation, both I and the other girls would have to change our
attitudes. I would have to feel
comfortable and not feel like I had to justify my presence. The girls would have to be in a place
to be comfortable having me in a club with an African American male. It would take a lot for both parties to
reach this place due. We would all
have to overcome what society tells us about our social identities to find a
place where everyone is comfortable.
It’s a long journey but I feel like one day, it will be possible.
Hi Myra,
ReplyDeleteI too have felt this type of prejudice while being in a biracial relationship. When I go to family parties or am out and see girls of the same ethnicity as my boyfriend I feel as if I am getting judged because of the stairs I receive. I agree society as a whole needs to change. There are still many racial divides that are present in our society.
Thanks for sharing your experience, Myra. I think feeling uncomfortable and thinking that things would be worse if you said something are two ways that things like this continue. I have experienced the same type of situation and reacted in the same way. For things to change I think we need to start pointing out and naming these issues. I think that the initial reaction would be to say that we are overreacting or imagining things, but hopefully at the end of the day something we said or pointed out would come back to that persons mind. I know that I may be initially defensive of things but later on when I calm down I can appreciate another person's point. Even if we do not see the fruit of our labor perhaps we're planting a seed in the brain of the person acting inappropriately.
ReplyDeleteHi Myra
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that you were made to feel you did not belong.I too have experience this uncomfortable feeling of not belonging in certain restaurants and store even in 20014. Can you imagine the effect it has on young children and their family who experience this everyday.
Myra,
ReplyDeleteThis happened to me when I was married. My girlfriend is an African American and I went to a dance club with her sister and husband to celebrate her birthday. When I walked in it was an all African American club and all the guys wanted to dance with me and the ladies were eyeing me down. I felt so out of place and did not dance with any one. I told them I was married and I was waiting for my husband.