Conflict Resolution

            It is funny that this assignment came up this week due to what is being happening in my professional life.  Being a supervisor is not an easy job and I am quickly learning to take my personal thoughts out of some situations.  This week was one example.  I attended a training with some of my colleagues and one of them is a bit of a complainer.  She complains about everything, does not want to do the work, and is very frustrating to me.  Needless to say we ended up in some disagreements.  When reflecting about what I have learned this week, I think nonviolent communication (NVC) would be an effective strategy to approaching my colleague.  I do feel that part of our problems is how we are communicating with each other.  I am constantly thinking of different ways to communicate with her so she will understand what I am trying to say.   If I approach with NVC, I can be an empathic listener while clearly stating my needs.  I think if they are clearly stated and I do it in an appropriate manner, they can be met which is important for my job.  She is also a defensive person so if I can approach her in this gentle, non-judgmental manner, our communications will be more productive.

            Another strategy that I want to use and feel will be effective is looking at my verbal aggressiveness.  I sometimes cannot separate the issue from my personal feelings and thoughts.  I want to somehow include them in the conflicts or conversations we are having.  As we have learned, this is not productive or effective.  In fact, these things can escalate the situations.  If I can work on my verbal aggressiveness, our conversations will be better.  I need to focus on the issues and not get caught up in distractions of personal attacks.  Last week’s evaluations were eye-opening in the fact that if I work some on my verbal aggressiveness, I can be more empathic and change people’s minds without conflict.  This would be ideal when communicating with this particular colleague.

            I have talked with my supervisor on how she handles conflict.  She has a reputation for being neutral, treating everyone fairly, and playing the devil’s advocate in situations in order for people to see the other side.  Although when she is involved in the conflict, she does like to avoid confrontations.  She admitted that she is still working on how to handle conflicts herself, especially when it comes to verbal communication.  She sometimes says the first thing that comes to her mind without thinking about how it sounds.  She is learning how to filter what she says, step back and look at the situation, and have more of an open mind.

            When dealing with this particular colleague, I asked what I should do.  Not to sound like a popular Disney song, she reminded me that I needed to let some things go.  I do get caught up in my personal thoughts and it affects how I communicate.  She reminded me to forget about some of my hot buttons and let the little things go.  We have policies in place that will handle some of the issues and I needed to trust the process.  This was eye opening and I am going to work on these things.